By Avishay Lavie, Software Engineer at Sears Social
One Step Closer to the Physically Impossible
We’ve been busy these past few weeks adding quite a lot of promotional content to your newsfeed. One thing that troubled us during this time was that this promotional content was randomly selected, so more often than not you ended up with promotions for things that you really didn’t care about.
Now, we could’ve left it at that and called it “expanding your shopping horizons” (in fact, we actually did), but deep in our hearts we knew it wouldn’t be enough. So today we’re starting to repay this debt to you: the promotions you’ll see are now personalized just for you, based on your Sears Social activity.
But wait, there’s more! This is just the first step. One of the most important goals we have for the future of Sears Social is to further tweak this personalization, up to the point where we give you precisely the content you’d like to see, ideally by reading your mind through your browser, or, failing that, decoding the subtle signs of your body language as they reflect in your mouse gestures. This could pose some technical difficulties, as nothing remotely like it has ever been done before, and in fact our scientists kept telling us that it is physically impossible. So, we relocated them to a small island the name of which we can’t remember, and we’re going to try anyway. Stay tuned.
Some Numbers About You
Another thing we’ve been working on is showing you some info about yourself on the homepage: we added a reference box in case you forget who you are, and then we made your catalogs beat each other up just so we could fill your “top catalogs” box. Today’s release adds some handy statistics about your profile and how people interact with it. It’s called “Your Recent Stats” and it looks like this:
See, 2 new people have started following you today! If you keep this rate up, you’re going to be too popular for your own good. Better start practicing on your signature before the groupies start pouring in and demanding your autograph. Here’s your early warning. You’re welcome.
Buying Stuff from the Future
All this social and personalization stuff is really heart-warming, but let’s not forget we’re here for the shopping. With this release we add another important element of shopping: buying stuff that isn’t even for sale yet. It’s called “pre-ordering” and we’re pretty sure it involves one of our associates traveling to the future and getting it for you, then hanging around until you finally arrive at the correct time. We would’ve asked our scientists about the exact procedure, but apparently some moron relocated them to… what was that island called, again?
Anyway, you can now take advantage of our superior time-travel technology on Sears Social to pre-order items before their release date, while supplies last. Yes, we can let you buy stuff from the future, but we can’t promise the future has enough copies for everyone. This is called the Uncertainty Principle and is a fundamental part of time travel physics.
Bottom line: if you want something from the future, you better order it now. Luckily, we’ll let you know about new items as they become available for pre-ordering, so you can keep track of the latest time-travelling products.